Personal Transitions in Planting
My whole entry into church planting was spurred by a series of ministries I had in congregations which (at least at the time) had no interest in being effective or in changing. They feigned interest in reaching new people, provided those new people thought like them, dressed like them, talked like them, and did what they were told by them. That raised serious concerns for me.
My brother Tim was the first up close church planter I knew. My brother Matt was the second. They spurred me on by showing me how we could break out of the traditional mold and reach people many Christians would simply write off.
Since my ordination in 1983, it’s always jumped out at me was how the rest of the world was changing its styles, tastes, focus, and energy, but the church wasn’t: The church saw change as a threat. Communities were growing, yet congregations in them remained flat or declining. I pondered, “Why is everything booming but the church?”
I eventually realized businesses and communities were thriving because of change, something in which the church seemed to have no interest. My Bible College years found me — much to the chagrin of a couple profs — questioning what was essential for the church and what was not. I didn’t question theology. I questioned methodology. I began working to distinguish the difference between biblical teaching and modern practice. (In my childhood, you'd have thought short-hair, suits and ties, and hymns WERE biblical!) To this day, I know if I ask a pastor whether he understands the difference between biblical teaching and his denom’s practices – and he glazes over – he's in trouble.
The conclusion I came to is that in order for the church to be relevant to real life and to survive into the future, it needs to understand the change taking place around it, and transition its methodology (not theology!) to reach people.
At Adventure, we say up front in our Articles of Incorporation and our By-Laws: “Each generation of this congregation will continually prepare itself to minister to the following two generations.”
The message stays the same, but how it's delivered and presented must change. That requires a lot of personal transitions for church leaders. Over the next ten Wednesdays, I wanna share with you the transitions I had to make for this to happen for me personally.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Leadership Fridays: Life Coaching v. Counseling
IMHO, a lot of young pastors (I was one) are naively misguided with the best of intentions. We want to help people. We want to bring to them God’s compassion. Unfortunately, the counseling process is often the opposite of God’s call on us. I don’t do counseling. In fact, I’ve never met a lead or senior pastor who is both 1) in a growing church and 2) any good at counseling.
A large component of our congregation is in recovery of some sort or another: From addictions or abuse, both active and passive (Active meaning they willfully initiated it – alcoholism, substance, gambling, porn; Passive meaning they were afflicted by someone else – sexually, physically, financially, relationally, etc.).
When people ask me if I will counsel them, I explain “I am a triage specialist, not a therapist”. I will then apply the Four Sentence/30-second Rule, and will give them a referral to the appropriate professional people.
If I determine it isn’t counseling but coaching, I’ll meet with them again, but with expectations. Life coaching is a collaborative process in which the coach looks at the player’s attitudes, behaviors and actions directly and gives direction from an outside point of view. He’s not so concerned with how they feel about something as what they do about it. Feeling follows behavior. Let’s work the right behaviors first. If you can’t punch through the feelings to make right choices, well, no one can help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves - and that's why I'm no occupational threat to counselors. I will coach someone for as long as they are making an effort, but I will refer a counselee to a professional counselor.
A specific question follows the process: "How do I know if the player being coached is seriously making an effort at it?" One simple test: Each brief meeting with them gives them three to five things to work on for the next week. I ask them to, within 24 hours, email me what was on that list (as well as to remind me anything else I told them I would provide). I log it into my iPhone to send them a note 48 hours after the meeting if I still have not received their to-do list. Unless there is a really good reason, if I have not heard from them within 72-hours of our meeting, I’m done. If it’s important enough to merit my time, it’s important enough to merit theirs as well.
A large component of our congregation is in recovery of some sort or another: From addictions or abuse, both active and passive (Active meaning they willfully initiated it – alcoholism, substance, gambling, porn; Passive meaning they were afflicted by someone else – sexually, physically, financially, relationally, etc.).
When people ask me if I will counsel them, I explain “I am a triage specialist, not a therapist”. I will then apply the Four Sentence/30-second Rule, and will give them a referral to the appropriate professional people.
If I determine it isn’t counseling but coaching, I’ll meet with them again, but with expectations. Life coaching is a collaborative process in which the coach looks at the player’s attitudes, behaviors and actions directly and gives direction from an outside point of view. He’s not so concerned with how they feel about something as what they do about it. Feeling follows behavior. Let’s work the right behaviors first. If you can’t punch through the feelings to make right choices, well, no one can help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves - and that's why I'm no occupational threat to counselors. I will coach someone for as long as they are making an effort, but I will refer a counselee to a professional counselor.
A specific question follows the process: "How do I know if the player being coached is seriously making an effort at it?" One simple test: Each brief meeting with them gives them three to five things to work on for the next week. I ask them to, within 24 hours, email me what was on that list (as well as to remind me anything else I told them I would provide). I log it into my iPhone to send them a note 48 hours after the meeting if I still have not received their to-do list. Unless there is a really good reason, if I have not heard from them within 72-hours of our meeting, I’m done. If it’s important enough to merit my time, it’s important enough to merit theirs as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)