I love working with new Christ-followers.
One day I got a phone call from a a lady who had taken a friend to buy her first Bible. As they were standing in the Family Bible Bookstore, they became confused with all the types of Bibles on the shelf, so they called me. The call basically went like this:
Caller: "Pastor, we're at the Family Bookstore to buy a Bible, and we wanna make sure we're getting the right kind of Bible."
Me: "Okay, so what did you find?"
Caller: "We found that NLT that you were talking about, but we're not sure it's the right Bible. We think there might be some books in it that aren't s'posed to be there."
Me: "Is it a Catholic Bible? Are you seeing the Apocrypha?"
Caller: "Well, no. The lady working here says it's not a Catholic Bible, but we're not sure. It's got a strange book in it we don't recognize."
Me: "Really? What's the name of it?"
Caller: "It looks like it might be pronounced 'lamentations'. That can't be right though, can it?"
Me: "Yup, that's a real book. It's supposed to be in there."
Caller: "Really?!"
Me: "Yup."
Caller: "So it IS s'posed to be in there?"
Me: "Yup."
Caller: "Wow. Okay. We didn't see that coming."
Me: "It's safe. It's supposed to be there."
Caller: "Okay, if you say so. It just didn't seem right. It just sounds like such a really sad book, but we serve a happy God, so we just thought someone might be trying to sneak something in on us."
Me: "Good catch. But it does belong there."
Caller: "Okay, if you say so. Just didn't see that coming. We'll buy it."
:)
Showing posts with label life coaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life coaching. Show all posts
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Leadership Fridays: Life Coaching v. Counseling
IMHO, a lot of young pastors (I was one) are naively misguided with the best of intentions. We want to help people. We want to bring to them God’s compassion. Unfortunately, the counseling process is often the opposite of God’s call on us. I don’t do counseling. In fact, I’ve never met a lead or senior pastor who is both 1) in a growing church and 2) any good at counseling.
A large component of our congregation is in recovery of some sort or another: From addictions or abuse, both active and passive (Active meaning they willfully initiated it – alcoholism, substance, gambling, porn; Passive meaning they were afflicted by someone else – sexually, physically, financially, relationally, etc.).
When people ask me if I will counsel them, I explain “I am a triage specialist, not a therapist”. I will then apply the Four Sentence/30-second Rule, and will give them a referral to the appropriate professional people.
If I determine it isn’t counseling but coaching, I’ll meet with them again, but with expectations. Life coaching is a collaborative process in which the coach looks at the player’s attitudes, behaviors and actions directly and gives direction from an outside point of view. He’s not so concerned with how they feel about something as what they do about it. Feeling follows behavior. Let’s work the right behaviors first. If you can’t punch through the feelings to make right choices, well, no one can help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves - and that's why I'm no occupational threat to counselors. I will coach someone for as long as they are making an effort, but I will refer a counselee to a professional counselor.
A specific question follows the process: "How do I know if the player being coached is seriously making an effort at it?" One simple test: Each brief meeting with them gives them three to five things to work on for the next week. I ask them to, within 24 hours, email me what was on that list (as well as to remind me anything else I told them I would provide). I log it into my iPhone to send them a note 48 hours after the meeting if I still have not received their to-do list. Unless there is a really good reason, if I have not heard from them within 72-hours of our meeting, I’m done. If it’s important enough to merit my time, it’s important enough to merit theirs as well.
A large component of our congregation is in recovery of some sort or another: From addictions or abuse, both active and passive (Active meaning they willfully initiated it – alcoholism, substance, gambling, porn; Passive meaning they were afflicted by someone else – sexually, physically, financially, relationally, etc.).
When people ask me if I will counsel them, I explain “I am a triage specialist, not a therapist”. I will then apply the Four Sentence/30-second Rule, and will give them a referral to the appropriate professional people.
If I determine it isn’t counseling but coaching, I’ll meet with them again, but with expectations. Life coaching is a collaborative process in which the coach looks at the player’s attitudes, behaviors and actions directly and gives direction from an outside point of view. He’s not so concerned with how they feel about something as what they do about it. Feeling follows behavior. Let’s work the right behaviors first. If you can’t punch through the feelings to make right choices, well, no one can help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves - and that's why I'm no occupational threat to counselors. I will coach someone for as long as they are making an effort, but I will refer a counselee to a professional counselor.
A specific question follows the process: "How do I know if the player being coached is seriously making an effort at it?" One simple test: Each brief meeting with them gives them three to five things to work on for the next week. I ask them to, within 24 hours, email me what was on that list (as well as to remind me anything else I told them I would provide). I log it into my iPhone to send them a note 48 hours after the meeting if I still have not received their to-do list. Unless there is a really good reason, if I have not heard from them within 72-hours of our meeting, I’m done. If it’s important enough to merit my time, it’s important enough to merit theirs as well.
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