I've worked in a string of several very shallow, very selfish congregations. That sounds harsh, but it's true. It's also true that each of those shallow, selfish congregations had a shallow, selfish pastor at the time I was there. So, honestly, we both got what we deserved. :)
We live in a me-oriented society - so people (including Christians) are trained to be selfish from their first breath. That carries over into the church-at-large, too. Many Christians believe that the Church exists to serve and cater to them, but not to actually grow them or challenge them.
Rather than baptize people when they made their confession of faith, I saved up those baptisms until Sunday when we could do them in front of the church and people could say, "Man, that pastor's sure doing a good job getting those people baptized." You know, it was job security - as I've said before, I didn't see those people so much as additions to the Kingdom as I saw them as job security, the proverbial loaf of bread.
I had to move from fulfilling a perverted personal need (the need to be liked and affirmed) to instilling a kingdom motivation inside me: the desire to be like Jesus. Unfortunately, my unhealthy need for approval was burying the healthy choice I needed to make. I was trapped in a life-paradigm I couldn't get out of.
A pastor friend I admired finally confronted me: "I don't know what to do with you. You're so concerned about what people think. You're so locked into doing rather than being. You wanna do what the apostles did, but you don't wanna be what the apostles were. Ministry wasn't a career for them. It was a lifestyle. It had nothing to do with a paycheck. They would have done it - and did - for free while doing other things. Until you come to that point, you're never gonna get it."
Those were some of the most painful words ever spoken to me, and it took me several more years of professional abuse and quite a few hours with a Christian counselor before I could start to get it. Honestly, I know that I still don't get it, not at the level I should, but at least I've headed in that direction and away from my own phobias and insecurities. That feels good.
