Wednesday Planter: "To thine own self, be true"

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." - William Shakespeare

If you're gonna be a church planter, you've just flat gotta know yourself: your personality, your emotional needs, your strengths and weaknesses, and where you fit into the world - and just as important: where you don't.

In 1994, I worked for a slowly imploding family-led NGO and, unfortunately for me, I was not part of the family. We clashed. In an effort to try to "fix" me, our patriarch took the whole staff for a pysch review to have our personalities looked at and to learn why we didn't mesh. (My favorite part of the review was when my boss shouted about me, "He's not a team player!" The Pshrink pulled out the paperwork and said, "Actually, he's the only who is a team player.") As a part of that review, I received hundreds of pages of objective observations/information about myself. As I read it, there was no doubt whatsoever in my mind that it was accurate. It was as if someone had looked into a hidden box in the secret closet within my heart of hearts - a place I didn't even want to acknowledge existed. I saw on paper, for the first time ever, my quirks, my actual - not "perceived" - strengths, my real weaknesses, and the challenges of my personality.

Hearing a Pshrink describe me was painful, but it was a good painful - like relocating a dislocated shoulder or having the stabbing pain of a broken tooth end when it's pulled. It was information I could use. It was a resource that gave me the chance to change and to do something about me, and it gave me a way to measure the change.

I still read that paperwork a couple times year - and it's been 17+ years ago since I was a part of that, but it reminds me of my nature and keeps me moving forward.

I've become content knowing I best serve in a blue collar, average Joe setting. I simply love and understand common people who are just trying to get by day to day and who struggle with living out the Christian life in a grimy, gritty, not-so-friendly world. And I can help them, not because I'm better, but because I'm only a little further down the trail in my own spiritual journey.

The bottom line is this: Because I knew those things about me, I could do something about me. And I did.

If you're interested in church planting, all I can say is that if you think you can skip or don't need the assessment process, you probably think you're the exception to many other things, too, and the universe levies a heavy tax against that level of arrogance and ignorance.

Wednesday Planter: Personal Transition #4: Jesus builds the church; I don't.

I used to flat old-school work my butt off and I prided myself on it. Yet my perfectionist side considered me a failure. I could not get my stupid churches to grow. I could blame a lot of different people and different things, and those would all be valid, but since I believe everything rises and falls on leadership, I can't hide behind those other things. I had to take responsibility for my part. I wasn't a leader. And I considered myself a failure - such a failure that I left pastoral ministry for a year and even messed up my body's ability to regulate itself and its moods, so I wasn't just a crash and burn. I was an epic crash and burn.

Then I went to a godly counselor in Columbus, IN, named John Brumbaugh, graciously paid for by our then-church home (a great congregation named New Hope Christian Church). John took me on a several days long cathartic journey that brought out my failings, my insecurities, my arrogance, and let me purge them for my own health.

One day he mentioned a verse where Jesus was talking to Peter about the foundation of the church, but it was the center section that hit me and rocked my life: "And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it (Matthew 16:18 NIV)." In all of my years of study and education, how in the world did I miss that? Jesus said He would build the church. In fact, He didn't ask me to do anything of the kind.

With that new perspective, I went back into ministry and for the first time in my life actually enjoyed it - and it was a fairly unhealthy, dysfunctional church! :) I had learned that my role wasn't to do God's construction work for Him, but to make sure that I didn't interfere - and that no one else did either.

That's why I have a pang of conscience when I use the term "church planter" in reference to myself. I'm not really a planter. God's the Planter. I'm just a gardener that works to keep the weeds out of His way as much as I can. I still work my butt off, but my focus is now His, not mine pretending to be His.

Leadership Fridays: Life Coaching v. Counseling

IMHO, a lot of young pastors (I was one) are naively misguided with the best of intentions. We want to help people. We want to bring to them God’s compassion. Unfortunately, the counseling process is often the opposite of God’s call on us. I don’t do counseling. In fact, I’ve never met a lead or senior pastor who is both 1) in a growing church and 2) any good at counseling.

A large component of our congregation is in recovery of some sort or another: From addictions or abuse, both active and passive (Active meaning they willfully initiated it – alcoholism, substance, gambling, porn; Passive meaning they were afflicted by someone else – sexually, physically, financially, relationally, etc.).

When people ask me if I will counsel them, I explain “I am a triage specialist, not a therapist”. I will then apply the Four Sentence/30-second Rule, and will give them a referral to the appropriate professional people.

If I determine it isn’t counseling but coaching, I’ll meet with them again, but with expectations. Life coaching is a collaborative process in which the coach looks at the player’s attitudes, behaviors and actions directly and gives direction from an outside point of view. He’s not so concerned with how they feel about something as what they do about it. Feeling follows behavior. Let’s work the right behaviors first. If you can’t punch through the feelings to make right choices, well, no one can help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves - and that's why I'm no occupational threat to counselors. I will coach someone for as long as they are making an effort, but I will refer a counselee to a professional counselor.

A specific question follows the process: "How do I know if the player being coached is seriously making an effort at it?" One simple test: Each brief meeting with them gives them three to five things to work on for the next week. I ask them to, within 24 hours, email me what was on that list (as well as to remind me anything else I told them I would provide). I log it into my iPhone to send them a note 48 hours after the meeting if I still have not received their to-do list. Unless there is a really good reason, if I have not heard from them within 72-hours of our meeting, I’m done. If it’s important enough to merit my time, it’s important enough to merit theirs as well.